Bush administration commits to finding new synonyms for Civil War in Iraq

U.S. Launches Operation Noble Euphemism

Borowitz Report [Excerpted]

President George W. Bush said that he would not allow a civil war in Iraq to erupt on his watch, and said that in order to prevent that from happening the United States would aggressively search for new synonyms for the phrase "civil war."

In order to seek out the most sanitized alternatives to that phrase, the president announced that he was launching an ambitious new mission called Operation Noble Euphemism.

Showing his trademark steely resolve, Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House that the U.S was prepared to hunt down every last thesaurus on Earth and would not quit until the job was done.

	Capitalism is Not Democracy is a book for further reading on this subject.

As if to demonstrate the high priority he was placing on finding new synonyms, Mr. Bush said that the government would spend billions, most of which had been previously earmarked to find Osama bin Laden.

But critics of Operation Noble Euphemism were sceptical of its outcome, particularly after the White House unsuccessfully launched a slogan contest last month to replace the phrase "stay the course."

That contest, which was announced with much fanfare, was abandoned after a leak revealed that the top contender was "slog through the mire."

The designated White House spokesman attempted to quiet those critics today, saying that "the United States is committed to finding a lasting euphemism for civil war in Iraq."

The designated refused to say which if any euphemisms were under consideration, but did say that the White House had already ruled out "Shiitepalooza."

Make comments about this article in The Canadian Blog.