10 Ways to Annoy Americans

by R. Henderson

Canadians usually bend over backwards to avoid reminding Americans that most of this continent is in fact ours, that we are not them, and that therefore it is not theirs. We have so perfected this type of diplomacy that today, Americans actually become annoyed when Canadians refuse to act "normal" (i.e., like Americans). Some even accuse us of "putting on airs" if we behave according to our own norms, which naturally differ from theirs.

Although Canadian nationalism is more about self respect than denigrating others (yet another difference between our two nations), recent developments in US-Canada relations (boorish trade-court suits, shoddy border guard behaviour, Bush's apparent belief that Canada's already "in the bag") suggest that Americans are becoming ever more convinced that this whole Canada thing is nonsense.

In a word,we've spoiled them.

In view of these developments, I believe it's every Canadian's patriotic duty to annoy Americans with our snobby non-Yankness whenever possible. Here are ten suggestions to get you started:

­-Use metric measures.

­-Point out that our country is bigger than theirs. Often;

­-Insist on doing business in French;

­-Mention that we kicked their arse in every war we ever fought with them;

­-Use British [Canadian] spellings. ­-When watching American television or movies, point out every Canadian actor. (Be prepared to do a lot of pointing.)

­-Bring up the fact that NASA is largely a private Canadian club. (Make sure they know that you're not talking about the whisky).

­-Ask them when they're going to get a new flag already;

­-Point to any local landmark and tell visiting Americans that it's the historical terminus of the Underground Railroad;

­-Invent excuses to pronounce the words "lieutenant," "project," and "schedule."

About the writer:

R. Henderson is a Canadian Nationalist, LINK

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