Get and give relationship advice on Ask John Q, Edition I

Edited by John Q.

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First off, it's fine for your husband to have his own email (I think partners should). It's fine for him to enjoy porn and it's okay that he's interested in sex that didn't appeal to him 25 years ago in a previous relationship.

However, there are some big problems. What's next? "If you don't have anal sex, I'll find someone else to do it with." I'm all for partners asking each other to try out a fetish. It's great that he asked you if you'd be interested in a threesome. But when you expressed your disinterest things should have stopped there. He shouldn't be pressuring you into a kink that you don't feel good about. If you don't feel good about sex with another person involved, don't do it. Don't let him force you into something you don't want to do. I think divorce may be a solution. I don't know the particulars of your situation but there may be other options as well. -- Inah

My husband (I am a widow now) did the same thing pretty much to me. He became obsessed with porn and bringing people into our sex life. It ruined our marriage. Left me feeling inadequate, unloved and used. I did a lot of things I didn't want to, just to please him. I ended up resenting him and I turned to another man and left him. He died before our divorce was final. Looking back on it, I wonder if I would’ve communicated my discomfort with everything, if it would’ve played out differently. I know every situation is different. If your husband has made up his mind there may not be much you can do. Definitely let him know how you feel - don't hold it back - so if it does all fall apart, you know you did all could. Don't do anything sexually for him that you don't want to. That would just cause you to feel bad. Good luck! -- juscarrie

Oh for the love of Pete, relax. It’s hair. It will grow out. All you can really do is wait. And play with it in the meantime and find a cute way to style it.

Next time you get your hair cut, go somewhere else. Pay attention to what the hairstylist is doing and if you see that they are doing it wrong, speak up. This can be tough to do, but ask yourself if it's better to annoy the hairstylist or live with a haircut you hate. If you see the finished product and hate it, you have to say something before you get up from the chair and they can fix it. If they try to talk you out of hating it, just stick to your guns and be polite but firm "this really isn't what i envisioned - can we please make it more like this??"

BUT it might also be a good idea to work with the hairstylist and ask "what do you think will look good?" because sometimes a hairstyle can look great on someone else (especially someone who has their hair professionally done every day) but not so great on you - it depends on your hair type and a lot of other things.

So, take a deep breath, remind yourself it is just hair, that at least you have hair and have not lost it all to chemo or something, and try to chill until your next haircut. -- marinemj

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