What Makes The Crossdresser

by Brianna Austin

	Brianna Austin.

What makes the crossdresser? Is it the clothes, the attitude, or the inner glow of stirred feelings? If it were 3 million years B.C., would we, could we still be cross-dressers? I sometimes wonder if in another time or place we would pursue our femme self. Some of the (lets refer to all as) T-girls ACT feminine, some LOOK feminine, and some simply FEEL feminine -- or a combination thereof.

In 3,00,000 B.C would we all shuffle off to a remote cave, put leaves over our nipples and saunter about? I wonder. Would that really stimulate us? By looking at this bizarre idea one might have a fresh perspective, and possibly isolate the source of their feminine motivation. I started to ask myself these questions because I have noticed over the years how the source of my delights have shifted. I can identify with many who in early life experienced a definite sexual energy when dressing. I also recall thinking, "what would it like to be a girl?" And I've spent the next four decades pursuing answers to that question.

Sometimes you have to look at life from a silly perspective

Growing up I lived vicariously through the girls on TV -- usually the one's with short skirts. Of course as you all know, when puberty kicked in, it was a thrilling surprise. As I got older I remember on certain occasions, after orgasm, feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself, and like many, swore it was the last time. These past few years I enjoy the simple sense of being my femme self, and in fact usually do not orgasm in direct response to dressing up. For me dressing was just a way to express something that the inner me that I couldn't express as a male. I guess that is rather obvious.

Sexuality plays a part in our evolution, regardless of our orientation, and even heterosexual cross dressers (some, not all) go through a phase where they wonder about men. And that too can be motivated by different things, such as genuine attraction, or the need for being validated as a woman.

I have had boyfriends and wondered if I -- like others -- was just gay and afraid to admit it. But for a time I did identify as gay, so my motivations were not based on a fear to say so, and I came to the realization that sexual relations with men was not the motivation for me to dress. I dressed because there is something about that girl I enjoy having around. But who am I dressed that I'm not as a man? Brianna is silly, playful, fearless, and less on-guard. Yet the fearless part could almost be considered aggressive, which ironically is usually seen as a male characteristic. How can I as a man dressed as a woman be more (or at least equally as) comfortable as I am as a man? I am confident as a woman even though I am aware that the general public sees me as a man in a dress.

But back to the original questions: As cavemen would we, could we be crossdressers? And if not, how would we manifest whatever it is that our female persona satisfies? Had I not pursued my female persona to the extent I have, I really think that I would be dressing, jerking off, going to bed and then doing it all over again the next time. So my search continues. I have not yet discovered the "why" yet, but I have been able to discover some of the "why nots," and I guess that is as good a place to start.

Happy hunting, girls, let the journey continue one dance at a time.

As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.

About the writer:

Brianna Austin is co-author of "I'd Do It Again," a free lance writer, and publisher of TG Life, LINK, a website by, for and about the transgender community.

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