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Transsexual Dating: Eligible Bachelorette

by Kennidi Monroe

  Kennidi Monroe
 

Kennidi Monroe.

Dating; Is It Easy For Anyone? I Used To Think That Dating Would Be Easier Being A Girl Versus Being A Boy. Wow, Was I Totally Wrong!

Many people say dating should come easy to me because I'm a beautiful girl. Guys should be swarming over me. Well the reality is that it's the total opposite. I may get a little bit of attention but I would never say men are dropping at my feet to be with me.

Here are some reasons why I think it’s hard for any transgendered person to date:

One: Most men interested in transgendered women have this fantasy about being with them. They feel that they can get their kicks off for being with "The Best Of Both Worlds" but reality sets in and they only want it as a fantasy. They can't deal with society accepting their fantasy. Men I think have a hard time accepting that they could actually want a relationship with a trans woman. Some guys would always wonder what would happen if their friends or family find out the woman they are with was once a man. See, it today’s society it’s still very taboo to be with a trans woman. Most people think that being trans is confusing, even people in the gay community. So they sell us short and use us for a fantasy but try to live that normal life.

A couple of weeks ago I was dating this guy, or I thought I was dating this guy. He knew I was trans and was still interested in me. He invited me over to his place where he lives with some people and we met and hung out. His friends were told before I came and we all had a nice time hanging out. The next time I hung out with him, we all went out to a pool/billiards hall. We were all having a good time and stuff, then his gay friend pulled him to the side and told him, "You need to go home with your drag queen girlfriend." Which I didn’t hear about until after the guy was gone and it had blown up.

The guy I was seeing was very upset and told this guy off and gave up his friendship. He was not having me being insulted like that, because I wasn't a drag queen. He broke all ties with the guy, and I was like, no man has ever stood up for me but my brothers and I was like wow! Yea, you think that man is a night in shining armour, but think again! He started to get real distant from me then and within a week he told me what we had was just friends and that he never had interest in me. When just a week before we were kissing, cuddling, and even sleeping in the same bed. Nothing sexual went on but it was like two people very interested in each other, so what went wrong? I think that he couldn't handle what the rest of society would think if they found out his girl was once a boy. What gets me the most is out of all people, a gay man has to be the one to insult me. You would think that since they have to deal with things they would understand me, but in the gay world we have a huge hate line. It's like a race is divided and it sucks because you are put into that category with gays and lesbians, but you feel like you are not accepted there.

Two: Now we can’t just blame the men we have to blame the trans women too. I would say that eighty percent of transgendered women sell themselves to pay the bills. Now I don't knock the whole thing, because you have to do what you have to do. I was there at one time, but I feel like you can do something much better with yourself. I can understand in some areas it’s very hard to get a job because of your situation, but in other areas where it’s accepting, I just find its lazy people. If we had less trans prostitutes then so many men wouldn’t view us all as sex objects. I think guys are totally shocked when they talk to me and find out I don't sell myself and that I am a pretty normal girl. In a lot of ways that hurts me too, because they feel that I am intimidating to them. Sex is a great thing between two people but when you sell yourself short or let people use you for pay then it makes you less of a person. And it doesn’t help the girls who have normal lives and careers. So, its not easy being a trans girl who has a normal job/career working and wanting to find love, because men don' t think we exist.

Three: Let's say your like me and you are out at a straight place, like a bar or pub. You are setting there having a drink with some of your friends and this nice looking guy comes up to you and starts talking. You two have a great conversation and the two of you are enjoying yourselves, but in the back of your mind you are wondering if, or when, you should tell him that you’re trans. For me, I am going to remain a pre-op so I do have to tell him at some point. When do I tell him? Do I let him know up front or do I wait for him to get to know me first. My feelings are that I am a woman, and if I let him get to know me maybe he will change his mind about what I am, because he got to know me. So most of the time I wait till our actual date to tell him and see what he says.

Most of the time the guy will be like OK, that’s cool. Or they will just say; ‘not interested’. Well, this one date I went on the guy was like, ‘I’d still love to take you out’. He took me out and asked a lot of questions and I am not the type to not answer things. The reality to me is, that no matter how much I changed the fact I was a boy to a girl, it’s going to come out no matter what. Why lie about who you were, especially if he asks? My feelings are even that if I was to go post that one day no matter what, he has to know about my past. You can’t just sit there and lie about who you once were. So, this date went real well, and he took me home and gave me this incredible goodbye kiss. He said he would call me, but a few days went by and I never got a call. So I decided to email him because I know his job can be hectic. I told him that I enjoyed our date and hope to have another one. Still to this day I have not see or heard from him and my feeling is that reality set in to him that I had the same equipment he had.

To most men, I maybe hot to them and hold a great conversation with them but we have the same thing. To them I can only be a friend, nothing more. No matter if they find me attractive or a great person. I have had one friend tell me if I had the surgery he would date me. Now, I started to think about that... would it be easier for me to go get the surgery and live with what all women have? It might, and then again it might not. How much is that really going to change me? It will change me a lot but will it make me happy and will I get a man faster? It might and then again it might not. The reality of it all is that I will have to tell whatever man I am with, that in my past I wasn’t a woman because I will always be trans, I can never deny that. I can’t conceive a child, and I don’t get the things women get. No matter how hard you try to be something your not it comes back to bite you in the butt.

I’ve come to terms with who I am a long time ago. No matter if for the rest of my life I remain single or I get to find the man of my dreams. I have come to terms with being a transgendered woman and if someone doesn’t like it they don’t have to be around me. Why try to please everyone, when the person to please is you? I love my self and no surgery or man can change that. Remember; life isn’t easy and dating isn’t either. Remember you are the person who makes you happy - never let anyone justify that for you!

If you have questions or want to talk to me email me at kmonroe@tglife.com.

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