The Canadian National Newspaper: I-Phoneys Disturbing My Coffee Time

I like to think of my coffee time as my quiet time, a contemplative period where I can sit down and relax, thinking about the amazing things in life (like drink-holders on boats that swivel around so your beer doesn't spill when the waves get rolling). So this one day I was sitting quietly at a local Starbucks, pondering away about odd things, and flicking about with my iPhone 3G, bookmarking my location on the map (so that I could store all of the locations I've visited), when another coffee customer, who was sitting across from me, started waving at me to get my attention. I looked up at this guy, who then started pointing at my iPhone, nodding approvingly before going back to his newspaper.

I wouldn't have thought that this gadget bonding moment was too weird, until a second customer walked by me, flashing his iPhone back at me while toasting me with his green tea frappuccino.

Okay, I thought, what is this, some sort of Apple owners fraternity? Am I now some part of a quasi-brotherhood, like a bizarre cult of Volkswagen fanatics, where I must now go through my days acknowledging everyone else who owns an iPhone with a wave and a nod?

I'm sorry, but I don't want to play this game, because it's just going to get silly, and someone is going to get the wrong idea, probably a large boyfriend with biceps larger than Christmas hams. Besides, I didn't see anyone high-fiving me or giving me the thumb's up when I walked around with my smartphone. I didn't get any backslaps on the train from fellow MP3 player owners, or fist-pumps from other guys who wore multiple pagers around their belts in the 90's. Not once in eight years has a fellow handheld device owner come up to me while I was tapping away on my PDA and said "I feel your pain, brother."

Wait, I do recall getting small hand-raises from other motorcycle riders as they breezed by me in the opposite direction, but that was an acceptable practice. It was a small group. But already there are millions of iPhone users, and I don't feel any connection to any of them just because they're using the same bit of technology.

However, if this is truly a new phenomena, then maybe we could get peacekeepers to cargo-drop thousands of iPhones to both sides of wars and conflicts, and perhaps they'll give up their arms in favour of pleasant iPhone ringtones and Safari-browsing capabilities. Failing that, put all the iPhone owners on the front lines so that I can get back to my quiet coffee time.

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