The Canadian National Newspaper: Male and single

More and more men are now choosing to stay single – not because they love their freedom but because they are scared of a bad marriage or ending up marrying the wrong person. At least that’s what a recent survey suggests.

"I wanted to give some women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single - and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties," the Courier Mail quoted Carl Weisman, 49-year-old bachelor, who conducted the online survey to research his book, as saying.

The survey involving 1500 heterosexual men showed that men were 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all.

It also found that about eight per cent of the respondents didn’t want to marry, 62 per cent wanted to marry, of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 per cent who are on the fence. Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children, compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.

But how would it be to stay a bachelor all your life only because you are not sure of what the future holds for you or being afraid that you will marry someone who may fail to live up to your expectations...

“I think everybody is scared of marrying the wrong person in today’s world. Why most men fear it is because they are scared of losing their freedom. But you can’t help falling in love, it just happens. If you know your partner and trust him/her, everything with eventually fall in place,” says TV actor Aamir Ali.

Agreeing with Aamir, actor Hiten Tejwani who has been married for four years says, “If you know what you want from your partner, only then you should go ahead with the relationship, else call it quits. It’s extremely important to know and understand each other before you commit.”

Financial issues, both positive and negative, may also play a crucial role in men's fear of commitment. "Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman. "While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them," he added.

Agreeing with that, Hiten says, “Financial stability certainly makes it easier for a man to get into a relationship because you know that you’ll be able to take care of your partner.”

Does that also mean that men are afraid of taking responsibility or are not easily ready for commitment?

“It’s not necessarily the fear of commitment or responsibility. It is mainly because people develop insecurity and anxiety as to how things will shape up in the future. Moreover, owing to extreme work pressure and other commitments, these days it has become difficult for men to find enough time for their personal life,” says Dr Samir Parikh, a psychiatrist.

Another factor that may be keeping men away from getting into a relationship is their search for perfection. High expectations are an important factor that makes men think twice before committing. “Everyone needs companionship. But at times, people’s expectations are rigid which acts as a hurdle in finding a partner,” adds Dr Parikh.

So, if you are expecting your ‘special someone’ to be Miss Perfect or Miss Right, you’d better be prepared for a long, long wait. But if you are certain that your partner doesn’t mind your snoring or your evening soirees with your buddies, loves your mom and her cooking...then just grab her before it’s too late!

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