Relationships: I Want to Be With You … Don’t I?


Recently a conversation with the girls resulted in a rather heated debate about what a guy really means when he says the words “I want to be with you, but I don’t…” This sentence managed to have an entire room of girls divided; almost split down the middle, as such, as to what he really meant.

With a little bit of investigative work, I realized that this phrase was a more commonly said one than most women seem to think. If you have recently heard these words, do not fear – you are not the only one!

I found a popular thread on the website that said pretty much exactly the same thing, and the advice that the “Wise-Ass” gave stuck in my mind:

“It means he wants to keep you in his pocket as a fallback while he pursues other women”

Did that sentence really mean that? Its one thing for a guy to want to be a “player”, but to hide it behind such a cruel sentence seemed… well, just plain cruel. Clearly, this guy is giving our friend Samantha a false sense of security. He wants to be with her, but at the same time he is just not sure. Before you even begin to think about the other women that could possibly be in the equation, you need to read between the lines at the possible things that this sentence could mean.

Firstly, he (James) can’t think that much of Samantha. He wants to be with her, but at the same time he doesn’t. This could be a cruel game on his part to try and shape her into being his perfect woman, and let’s be honest ladies; if you need shaping for him, the two of you aren’t meant to be together. Admittedly, we all have things that we would want to change about our partners, but to the point where it would evoke this thought-provoking phrase… That just seems a little much, doesn’t it?

What is it about her that he doesn’t like? Which parts of her he is wanting to stay with, and which parts is he wanting to separate from? This sentence would cause an insane reaction from most women; most women I’ve ever spoken to, myself included. The reaction goes something along the lines of:

“What don’t you like about me? What about me makes you want to break up with me?”

This, as you may have probably guessed, is the exact reaction that Samantha came out with. Firstly Samantha and all other women like you; have some self-respect! If you need to change for this guy, or at least beg to find out what HE would want to change, he is not worth your time. Surely the love of your life should be someone that accepts you, faults and all? That’s what the fairytales lead us to believe anyway!

The Wise-Ass on certainly gave us the male perspective on such a scenario – he wants to keep her on the sidelines, while at the same time dating or sleeping with other women, potentially waiting until someone better comes along. In short, he doesn’t really want her but at the same time, he doesn’t want to be alone either. She is his fall-back girl; the girl he goes running to late on a Friday night when he has managed to find another poor unsuspecting woman to take home from the bar.

Ladies in this situation – you can do so much better. You should be with a guy that wants you, warts and all. If he is as into you as he makes you feel he is, other women wouldn’t even be a factor in his life, and if you ever hear these words from a guy, it is most definitely time to kick him to the kerb!

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