Relationships: Do nice girls finish last in today's dating scene?



Q. Why do nice, genuine girls finish last?

A.  Because they let jerks walk all over them. There's nothing that jerky guys love more than to find a nice girl, reel her in, break her heart into a million pieces, and then throw those pieces into the nearest reservoir or aqueduct. Time and time again I have seen nice women flock to total a$hats. Then, when said DoucheTron-5000 inevitably dumps her, she comes running to me, I mean, to some nice guy for a shoulder to cry on. When will you realize the nice guy right in front of you? I'm just a man, standing in front of Alison Brie, asking her to lift the restraining order.

Ahem. Like I was saying, you finish last because you assume you're going to fail. Except, you've already won. Look around you: the douchebags have lost. Sure, they might make more noise with their Ed Hardy shirts and their Bluetooths and their cutting in line in front of you at Starbucks. But it's the nerds, geeks, and nice people who are in charge. For the love of Odin, we have a president right now who likes Spider-Man comics and Star Trek. Fortune 500 companies are run by guys with bad combovers and Magic the Gathering card collections. The war is over and the turbo jackholes will soon be serving us frosty Ecto-Cooler in collectible Star Wars cups.

That said, every time someone falls prey to the old "nice guys/girls finish last" cliche, our progress is set back. The only thing douches have on us is cockiness. A certain level of cockiness is healthy. You can be confident and think you are awesome without being a tool and stepping over people. Guys always fall for women who are a little bit cocky and self-satisfied. Women are the same. No woman wants to date an arrogant jerk, but at the same time they don't want a wimpy doormat they can walk all over. The trick is to realize that you are awesome and have a lot to offer without coming off as arrogant, mean, or self-involved.

So own your nice. There has to be something about you that makes you stand apart from everyone else. Maybe you're funny, or a good dresser, or know how to whip up a mean red velvet cupcake. Stop dating jerks who tear down your confidence. That would be step one. Don't be a hypocrite and rule out guys because they're too "nice." Surround yourself with genuine, confident, supportive people who will reflect awesomeness back to you like the Care Bears "stare." (Geez, for a bunch of cuddly bears the Care Bears certainly have a destructive combined power. Kinda makes you feel bad for Dark Heart.) As Jerry Orbach said in Dirty Dancing, do not let anyone put Baby in the corner. You are Baby in this scenario. No more corners. Front of the line! We need you in the Army of Nice. Now get out there and own your nice.


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