Striptease: What does a lap dance feel like?


I would love to know what does a lapdance feels like! (But I don't want one.) Do you have to be kind of drunk to really enjoy it? Isn't it awkward if your friends just watch the woman grind on you?

Lap dances can feel very different depending on the lap dancer's... dedication, look and execution. There's an enormous spectrum of what might qualify as a lap dance, and unfortunately there's no governing body or enforcement agency to regulate the practice. What one woman might call a solid lap dance another might liken to a fist-bump.

As such, I can't give you a straight up answer on how one feels. But I'll give you two examples of lap dancing and let you draw some conclusions.

Lap Dance Example One: a thoroughly unattractive, aging stripper reeking of cigarettes and Chunky Soup, coils her veiny hands around your neck and coughs in your ear "How 'bout it honey. Wanna make me $20?"

The dude is buzzed and -lets face it - in a strip club, so he says, "Sure." Then she proceeds to sway in front of him "teasing" him with a smelly scarf, smacking her dimpled ass and humming a Christmas tune all the while clearly going over a shopping list in her head. She doesn't look him in the eye once and occasionally talks to the bouncer about his kid's asthma.

How does that feel? Sad, goofy, pathetic; something out of a David Lynch movie and likely very, very low on the boner meter.

Lap dance Example Two: A stripper that looks like a dude's personal version of physical heaven, spots him across the room and saunters over. She starts chatting him up over two cocktails, playing with his hair and resting her hands on his thigh. She then casually asks if he'd like "a dance." "Uh, yes, please," Dude offers back.

She takes her top off, her boobs - like apples from Eden - stare him dead in the face. She's left standing in a dental floss thong and a pair of expensive high heels. Just then, the lights dim, creating a sense of privacy for the dude. A second later, the DJ throws on Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On." Using a silk scarf for traction she begins writhing on his body, eventually, locating his wang and locking in on it. I'm talking straight up dry-humping with furious momentum and attention. She encourages him to touch her tushie and starts moaning. The song ends. She keeps going for a few more minutes throwing in an, "it's on the house" for good measure.

How does that feel? MUCH MUCH better than Lap Dance One...

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