My question is why would anyone follow an apparent 'spooky' alien to his "space-shed"?

The following is an alleged alien abduction report -

Date of Event - 2016-01-06 - 2:16PM
Place of Event: Wimborne, Great Britiain

(MUFON) -- The ufo disguised as a shed landed, the tall lanky figure with black crusty headgear approached me at night after exiting his shed-like space craft. He took me into his space-shed, there was a tear stained mattress like space bed floating above the floor, the alien said his name was PhD. He prodded me in all my holes with his probing device until it discharged its used battery acid all over my bottom After I woke up all sticky in my bedroom with my pet dog chip dead next to me, PhD doesn't like dogs.

I hope you can help me track down PhD so I can thank him for a wonderful night!