What if we treated sex and sexuality the way we treat other aspects of health and wellness? Imagine having a run for sexual pleasure every fall like we currently do for cures for cancer, or having serious conversations about how our environment, diet, relationships and corporations have a negative impact on our sexual wholeness. What colour would the rubber wristband be to promote protection from sexually transmitted infections? If you think it would never happen, think again.

To think holistically about your health you must include your sexuality. Sexual health is a whole lot more than avoiding diseases and not getting pregnant when you don’t want to. Beyond maintaining your sexual and reproductive organs, sexual health includes all aspects of sexuality, like giving and receiving pleasure, the ability to choose how to be sexual or if you want to be sexual at all, the right to choose with whom you’d like to be sexual, and the freedom to exercise these rights in the privacy of your own home (and, if the permits are in order, at certain Toronto clubs).

Given that there is a great deal of support from experts on this point, why do so many of us ignore our sex lives even while we talk about the importance of happiness and joy and the health of our bodies, minds, and environment?

Though the world seems stacked against a holistic approach to health—one that includes sexual health—each of us can make a change in our own lives by expanding the way we think about health. Here are four simple but radical things you can do to begin the process of living a truly holistic life:

Although many people may think and worry about it a lot, a large number of us put our sexual desires and needs on the backburner. It can seem like everything else comes first; family obligations, work, and all other aspects of wellness. 　Think about what it would look like if we took just a fraction of the energy we put into caring for other parts of our health, and focused it on our sexual happiness. We could change so much if we stop letting shame rule our sexual thoughts and instead truly believe that we are worthy of sexual health, happiness, and pleasure.

Regardless of how often people think about sex, there’s a difference between worrying about something and thinking constructively about it. Thinking holistically about sex requires us to stop compartmentalizing our sexual thoughts, and to start including sex in the way we approach our quality of life in general. Whatever part of your life you find yourself thinking about, give yourself permission to also ask, “How does this make me feel sexually? What impact does this activity, desire, or situation have on my sex life and sexual health?”

The shame that most of us feel about sex breeds tremendous silence.　 We may boast about and exaggerate sexual conquests, but we rarely talk honestly and openly, particularly about the more difficult parts of sexuality. Whether it’s with a trusted friend, your partner, or a health care practitioner, if there’s something tied to sexuality that you’re worried about or just want some help with, take a risk and ask for support. Most people are relieved to have someone else start a conversation because it gives them permission to ask their questions as well.

Most talk about sexual change is centered on relationships with a focus on the partner or not having a partner. But much of the work of expanding, shifting, and cultivating a more holistic and happy sex life starts with you, and you are all you need to get started. In future columns we’ll explore specific ways to begin this process, but the first step is acknowledging that you have the power to make sexual change in your own life. To that end I invite you to send in your questions about healthy, holistic sexuality to editorial@tonictoronto.com and I’ll do my best to answer them.

Cory Silverberg is an AASECT certified sexuality educator, author, and the Sexuality Guide for About.com. You can find him online at http://sexuality.about.com or follow him on Twitter @aboutsexuality.

Internet site reference: http://www.tonictoronto.com/magazine/articles/lets-talk-about-sex.html