Online Dating: My boyfriend wants me to meet his Ex



Q. My boyfriend wants me to meet his ex, who he still speaks to, because he believes we'll get along great since we're so alike. It bothers me that he wants me to meet someone he was in a serious relationship with for 3 yrs. Am I wrong for feeling threatened or insecure?

A. No, you're not wrong to feel insecure. It's an odd request. What's he going for, some kind of "Big Love" scenario?

Few women want their guy's ex in the picture at all, much less have her as a bestest friend. I think you're already being tolerant enough by accepting that they are friends who keep in touch. I've said many times that I favor clean breaks because the whole "we'll still be friends" business rarely works. Even when it does work, I believe that the friendship of ex-lovers complicates new relationships on both sides of the equation.

What I'm wondering is why he would want this? Is he just a naive optimist, or is this some way of hedging his bets in case things don't work out with you? I don't know the guy, and I don't want to ascribe ulterior motives to him, but in your shoes I would wonder why it is important to him that you be friends with her. His reasons might be innocent, sure--they dated a long time and of course they still have feelings for each other. I'm just saying that it is something to consider.

Bottom line: you don't have to be friends with her if you don't want to. Just tell him you are flattered that he wants her to know you, but you simply are not comfortable with it. There's nothing wrong with feeling or admitting that. He shouldn't push you to do something that causes you anxiety. If you really wanted to be friends with her, I might tell you to go for it (with caution), but if you don't want it, don't do it. Your feelings should be more important to him than his desire that you two be pals, and he should let it go once you say no.

Thanks for the question.

Internet site reference: http://www.guyspeak.com


Comments

There are 0 comments on this post

Leave A Comment