Q.  I don't see myself as likeable/attractive/dateable, so I can't image that any man would. I'm 27, but feel that men think of me like an eccentric old neighbour - female but not in sexual/romantic way. I feel like an "untouchable" - a girl in a lonely, ignored category. How do I know if I'm right (and change, if I am)?

A.  First off, you're wrong. Men don't see you as the "eccentric old neighbour" or the "best gal pal" or whatever. Those are roles you've assigned yourself in the movie of your life. Right now you're having a big pity party instead of actually getting out there and meeting people. 

You know why other girls you see are the "sexy leading lady"? Because that's how they think of themselves when they go out and talk to guys. 

Let's continue your movie metaphor for a second. Look at 2011's breakout star Melissa McCarthy. For years, she played the friend role on shows like Gilmore Girls and Samantha Who?. Funny, likable, but not stuck in the same role. Then, she took a risk and went all-out for her hilarious role in Bridesmaids. Instead of playing it safe, she scored the best reviews of the movie. And now she is the lead on a TV show, hosted SNL and is getting offers for movies where  other women are playing her best friend. Now apply that path to your life. Melissa McCarthy could have beat herself up and said, "I'll always be the friend the pretty thin girl leans on" and called it a day. Or, even worse, she could have dropped out of the biz entirely. Instead, she kept working and eventually the role that showcased what an amazing comedic actress she is came along. And now, she can basically write her ticket in Hollywood. 

So, do you want to sit around and do nothing until you actually become the sad, old neighbour bitter from never finding love? Or do you want to get over your fears and take some risks? Change things up -- get a new wardrobe, maybe something a little wilder than you'd normally wear. Try a new haircut, take a class, join a ping pong league. Sign up for an online dating site. Accept an invitation to a party you'd normally turn down. Do something outside of your comfort zone. You are 27 and already assigned yourself a background role. It's time to graduate to a lead.

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