Sometimes A Hard Decision Is The Only One You Can Make: Ending A Relationship

If you were studying the human condition as an outside observer, the concept of love would give you pause. To look at it in a detached way, the things it makes us do are peculiar. In the early days of any relationship, we behave in an almost drunk fashion. We veer between romantic goofiness and paranoia, euphoria and depression. We let things go that would normally infuriate us. We spend hours staring into space.

While that may sound judgemental, it really isn't. In actual fact, being in love is very much like being drunk or high. The brain releases dopamine, which is also released when people take drugs. The main difference is that in this case it doesn't come along with a bunch of artificial chemicals that can kill you. But it does make it very hard to behave 100% rationally where love is concerned.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

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Where there has been lasting, passionate love, it is going to be hard to accept that the party is over. Knowing when a relationship has ceased to be positive and has become damaging can be tough. Remember the dopamine factor: Splitting up can be like kicking a drug habit. You need to take a rational approach in a situation that feels anything but rational. Bonds you built while madly in love can be very hard to break.

The End Of The Road

One of the signs that you've grown up is the ability to look at a complicated situation and make an informed decision. Even where feelings are involved, sometimes it will be the case that a tough choice is the best one to make. Someone - probably both parties - will be hurt. But a clean break is much, much better than a slow decay. It may be more painful in the moment, but it allows recovery, which you will both need.

Letting Go For Both Your Sakes

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Even if you both still have feelings, even if you are married and it's complicated to end it, sometimes making the break is what's needed. It doesn't even need to be acrimonious. Sometimes one half of the couple wants kids, the other doesn't and never will. Sometimes people want different things and trying to deny themselves will merely open up cracks, or deepen existing ones. A marriage only works when both parties pull in the same direction.

Making The Mature Decision

It is best if both parties can agree to make the grown-up decision. Even if they cannot come to an agreement, if it is what one party really wants, it needs to happen. Marriage requires consent, but divorce does not. In either case, a divorce attorney will be able to get the best conclusion for all parties. If it's complicated, they will get it to the point where both parties are able to move forward.

The thorny issue where divorce is concerned is that sometimes, one party will not be ready to accept that it will happen. This can make the process ugly and difficult, but it should never be a barrier to it happening. Staying together, unhappy, because one party cannot let go is a profoundly unhealthy situation. If there is not a mutual desire to give it a go, it's a non-starter. No matter how much that may hurt.


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