Transgender: Surprises, Emotional Pain
When I embarked upon this journey, transitioning to another gender, I understood that part of my journey would involve ceasing to suppress my emotional being and embracing my emotions.
Unfortunately I failed to realize that such would cause me to become vulnerable to being hurt, with little emotional defenses to cope at times.
I am hurt because despite ample career experience I have not been able to find work in over a year. It only takes one person to give me a chance, and it hurts that a change in gender or discrimination would cause people to be less likely to give me a chance.
It hurts all the more when my experience tells me that so many people, transgendered or otherwise, are having the same difficulties in this time of economic trouble. I am troubled when I know this world has enough to provide for all people, and people who are capable of, and would not hesitate to contribute to making their own way are not given a chance to do so.
It hurts when I help a man because I feel pity over his being in a car accident, and he robs me of my belongings, of which one such item was my computer, depriving me of all my writings I have worked on in then last six months or so.
I am depressed, as the money I lost means I was unable to pay my rent, and with no job to appease my landlord, I will be getting evicted soon.
My heart aches when I come upon a woman who was robbed of her medication, kicked out onto the street by her boyfriend, is an emotional wreck reduced to constant tears, and is going through withdrawal.
I remember all the wrongs people have perpetuated against myself, all my friends and all my family, and I begin to hurt for the first time when those memories come to the forefront.
The hurt and confusion over being displaced from my hometown is fresh in my mind, and I feel betrayed by the civil agency which has left me in such a predicament.
I know it is not a bad thing to feel such hurt, because such pain comes from the love the Creator puts in my heart, and the pain I feel tells me about the hurt and suffering others are going through.
My name is Vanida Plamondon, author of Vanida's Journey, and I often find myself surprised by the changes I am going through, because despite the physical changes I expected and am going through, I am experiencing some small changes due to changes in perspective, attitudes and emotions.
I am surprised to find myself caring, with love in my heart, not just for myself, but also for other people, but I also find myself vulnerable to being hurt.
Sometime the surprises one encounters when making a serious life change can be surprising, and in this instance unpleasant.